One of my greatest pet peeves in life is that moment when you're just not getting something and someone goes to show you or teach you and they say "it's so easy! You just do blah blah blah!".
Clearly, I do not find this thing easy or we wouldn't be here having this conversation, most terrible tutor person ever.
I think I caught myself saying it once and almost actually slapped myself.
I feel like a lot of phrases fall into this theme and are just as annoying. Things like...
- "Just do it."
- "Don't worry, be happy"
- "If you wait 'til you're ready, you'll never do it"
- "Anyone can do it"
- "Sink or swim"
You get the idea.
Aside from the obvious frustration of feeling like someone just called you stupid with more words because something you don't understand is all crystal clear to them (by the way, why do we say "crystal" clear? Are most crystal's actually clear? I feel like most of them are not.), I have a problem with these sayings and every day optimisms because it's too simplistic. You can't solve every problem or attack every task by not looking around you and examining the terrain but just going for it all Leroy Jenkins style.
And for every person every day and every thing will present it's own challenges.
I know that I am not a sprinter. If I try to run sprints I will dramatically collapse and whisper for someone to please make sure my dogs are well cared for as I gasp into the afterlife. I mean, maybe not quite so much but something to that degree. Sprints make me feel like I am dying. But I can run the hell out of anything long distance.
Slow and steady wins the race, yo.
In general, that's just me at life. I take my time, I find the rhythm (even if that rhythm is the pace of "we're a happy family" by the Ramones), and I go with the flow for the most part. I like to be challenged, so attempting a marathon isn't out of the question, but I also don't tend toward competitiveness, which means that marathon isn't going to see me gunning for a pr or trying to make it to the winner's circle (not to say either of those things aren't welcome results). My goals tend to be more "hey, I did this, and that's awesome." I'm good at endurance.
This was never my brother, on the other hand, he's a better sprinter and more of a competitive perfectionist. When we would go on volksmarches in Germany as a family, he was generally complaining and asking if we were at the end yet shortly into the hike...whereas I would be out in front with my long braid swinging back and forth toward the end like "why didn't we sign up for the looooonger one?" while everyone else was like "you shut up, we're almost to the food tent."
I used to follow accounts on Instagram or Facebook that would post all these simplified kinds of sugary ideals and I had to stop. It wasn't real and it wasn't good for me.
And listen, I don't mean to be all "all of these things are bad and terrible and you should unfollow them and shun anyone that likes them or uses these phrases" about it. That would be dumb. And I'm a lot of things but dumb isn't one of them. They work for some people. They can give people that need it a boost, and that's something that should be scoffed at.
Some of us need more time, though. We can't canon ball into the water. We don't have that chip in our brain that lets us wake up and choose to be happy.
Some of us don't have a choice.
Some of us can't get out of bed half the day let alone seize the day every day.
It's funny to me sometimes the things people have responded with when I'm having a bad mental health day. Whether it's anxiety or depression or mania or a phobia, somebody's got somethin' you can do to fix yourself right up. Things about breathing through it, getting up and going for a run, taking a nap, making work an escape, just getting out of the house, making a decision to be positive, just not worrying...things that say "it's easy, just do it."
But it's not. And there are some days we just can't (and not in a basic kind of way with pumpkin spice and uggs, in an actual "my brain has trapped me here and I do not have the energy to plot an escape at the moment").
If this is familiar to you, I think editing your social media feeds and limiting your time on them helps. I think speaking up if someone tries to offer too simple nuggets of advice is incredibly important, and if someone can't understand why you aren't able to just buck up then maybe they don't need to be around blocking someone who will come do your dishes or walk your dog or just sit with you from being there. Regular exercise is good, but having grace for yourself is even better. I find a self-hi-5 for any little victory during the day gives me some relief (I've given myself kudos for taking a shower and checking the mail before) and helps me store energy to try again the next day.
You don't fail the course just because it doesn't come as easy for you as it does for another student.
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